I am from Acre, but I write Gaza as my hometown on Facebook because of
the nature of nomenclature. My village is not a kibbutz, my town is not Akko,
my country is not Israel. I write Gaza as my hometown knowing full well the
implications, the words, the rules. How the name Gaza compromises me. As a
Gazan, I am a Palestinian reduction, a philistine, hostile and ignorant, filthy,
a terrorist, a nobody. I reject the rules that form the names, because they do not
fit. These labels are all counterfeit and these outfits are made of bones, they’re tight
and outworn. They prick. No, I am not a terrorist, but I am terrified of all of it.
I am not Gazan, and how lucky. I am free to go. My passport, palimpsest, cloaks
and me inside my invisibility. No 26-foot concrete wall to stop me, no ID checks,
no check- points, I do not have to record my thumb print electronically. All I need
is a desk and a chair, and these words to write me. I do not wakeup at 1 AM
to get to work at 8 AM, to factor in all the hurdles before me. I am not filthy, and
I never was, actually. I have access to clean water, and I make sure I use it. The
water I bathe in is for one-time use only. How lucky. Zzz means sleep not an
overhead drone, and whoosh is a skirt, not an F16 flying above me. I’ve never had
to go on hunger strike to prove a point. I was never force-fed to stay alive, and
food has yet to choke me. I have a home and an idea of a home, and my roof is
neither makeshift nor leaky. My troubles, for the most part, are existential, not
daily, and I wonder why this makes me more of a somebody. How fucking lucky.
I shall die once, not everyday and I do not need to worry that God cannot see me.